Mandy's Journal

feeling better but lonely

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 05:28:08 GMT

I have a very interesting Easter. It really didn't feel like a holiday except for everyone telling me "Happy Easter!". I slept late and missed church. Then, I just hung around my room doing research on the internet for a paper, watching the first two episodes of Rome (really cool show on HBO), and then watching "A Prairie Home Companion". I talked to my mom for a while, then I got a call from some old friends in Cleveland. It was nice to talk to everyone, but I could help but feel lonely. I really miss having human contact sometimes. There are days that I feel surrounded by people, yet totally alone. I think it's because I still have a hard time relating to the people I go to school with. Almost all of them are wonderful friends who care about me and I care about them. It just seems like there is a gap there. I think part of my problem is that I still live in the dorm, I have a very limited social life, and I don't have any friends my age. I don't mean to offend anyone that from school that reads this, but I'm sure you can understand how I feel. It would be nice to go out and have a few drinks with some friends at a bar and play pool or throw darts. I see this summer being really boring. At least I get to make a trip to Nashville and then Ohio for a Dagorhir event. I can't wait!!

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 18:02:28 GMT

I feel a little better today. I am still going to the doctor at 2. I don't usually wish for antibiotics because they make my stomach hurt, but I really want to kick this things a@#! I'm tired of feeling like poo!

feel kinda sickly today...

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:31:55 GMT

I seem to have some kinda of flu thing. It started on Tuesday morning, and now it's Wed. night and I don't really feel better. I've been taking vitamins, drinking tea and water, eating vegi's and soup, but nothing seems to help. I have also been taking over the counter meds. but they aren't doing much.

I made an appointment with a doctor for tomorrow morning. I hope that they just tell me it's the flu, give me some antibiotics and send me on my way. There is a thread of mono. working it's way around campus. I really hope that it's not that. I haven't been going to classes, at my professor's requests, just in case. Although it think I might go to my morning class tomorrow just to get out of my room. It's incredibly boring when you have read all your books, and have no t.v. to keep you company. I keep trying to do homework. The only problem is that when I go back and check my answers everything is wrong. I can't seem to concentrate. I hope this passes soon. I really want to go to church this Sunday. Easter service is one of my favorites.

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 20:43:27 GMT

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Musician Doo doo de doo waaaa doo de doo! (<-- That's you playing something.) Everyone appreciates the band/orchestra geeks and the pretty voices. Whether you sing in the choir, participate in a school/local band, or sit at home writing music, you contribute a joy to society that everyone can agree on. Yay! Welcome to actually doing something for poor, pathetic human souls. (Just kidding.)
Artistic Nerd
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

I'm late, again...

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 14:23:53 GMT

Last night I stayed up late working on theory homework with some friends. This morning I got up with half an hour to get ready for class. Usually I can make this work, but for some reason I seemed to take too long and now I'm too late to make it to class. I even went down to the classroom, but my professor had already closed the door. We aren't suppose to come in after the door is closed because she hates it when people are late. Well, I'm always five minutes late to everything. This morning I was only one minute late, but I have a feeling she doesn't care. All this means is that I'm not going to get credit for the homework. Part of me doesn't really care because all of the stuff we are going over is review for me, but I'm getting a not-so-good grade in the class because I'm always late!! Why can't I just make it through the day like a normal person and show up for things on time?!!

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 16:04:31 GMT

It's snowy and pretty outside! I just love the snow! Sometimes I really miss living in Washington because I miss the mountains and the cool crisp air. *sigh...* Today I'm going to Columbia to stock up on reeds and to get a new wire music stand. Next week the band goes on tour in the eastern side of the state. I'm looking forward to it. While in Columbia, I'll be having brunch with Violet and Alli (sp?). I'm not sure where we are going, but it will be fun no matter where we go. Those two are great. I can't wait to get our apartment. Ok, so this post was a little random. It's Saturday morning and I got up before 9am!

Why does this happen every spring?

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:03:10 GMT

Isn't spring suppose to be that time of year when you feel light hearted and free spirited. The trees are coming alive again, and flowers are blooming, snow is melting...Why is it then that every spring I am hit with a strong wave of depression. Yesterday I didn't leave my room all day. I haven't been outside for a little over 24 hours. What is wrong with me? This happens every year at the same time!! I can't afford to do this right now. I have teachers emailing me, and people wanting me to come help them with things. Usually I'm happy to be pulled in all of those directions because it give me a sense productivity. But yesterday and today all I've wanted to do is just sit in front of this damn computer and waste away. Now it's ten o'clock and I'm suppose to be in the theater helping to build sets. I'm not even dressed from my shower.
May the Gods send me strength to overcome this craziness of mine!

I must break free before the cycle sets in...

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 16:22:14 GMT

I'm so insanely busy now that I don't know what to do. I keep double and triply booking myself so much that I don't know what to do. Just look at my Monday schedule; Up in the morning by 8 for a 9 am class, piano practice at 10, character and lit. class at 11, lunch for 15/20 mins then practice from 12:30 to 1, 1 o'clock piano lesson, 1:30 voice lesson, 2 choir rehearsal, 3 diction class, 4 to 5:30 band rehearsal, 7 pm opera rehearsal(I'm costume mistress for this one), then sometime around 9/10 pm I can finally come back to my room and start working on my homework. Homework usually takes about three hours and I like to check my email and live journal. Then I get to bed no earlier than 2am and start all over again. My Monday's and Wed. are the same, my Tuesday's and Thursday's are not quite as jam packed, but I usually end up filling those with all the stuff I don't have time for on Monday and Wed. I've started sleeping in and missing my first class of the day. I'm not doing it on purpose, I just can't seem to wake up. This morning I set three alarm clocks and I still didn't wake up in time. On top of all the classes I'm pledging for a fraternity and am a member of another (one is music, the other is service). I feel bad because there are all of these fund raising things to do, rushes to plan, get togethers and so on that I'm missing and not getting to help with. I know that people are going to start getting mad at me for never getting to finish all of this, but what am I suppose to do? I need to drop some things, but when I tried to do that it became this huge deal.

I guess I just need another hug or one of those awesome shoulder rubs Chris gives. *hint hint, wink wink*

Going Crazy!!

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 18:01:02 GMT

I feel much better today. Thanks goes out to those of you that gave me hugs!!

Now I'm just going crazy cause I have to sew, sew, sew!! I'm making six kimono's for our production of the Mikado. I'm suppose to have all of these done by Friday. We'll see what happens! Wish me luck!

sick

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 17:52:48 GMT

I feel like poo today. It's really cold outside too. I think the high for today is 19. I'm all rapped up in shawls with my little space heater on in my dorm. The radiator isn't turned on today. We can't control them from our rooms. It seems like they are either on or off. Oh well...

Some one send me hug!!

The weekend review...

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 00:40:15 GMT

I went to my Uncle Micheal's house this weekend. It was fun most of the time. He kinda likes to lecture me about how smart he is and how hard his military experience was. He also likes to remind me about how I would never make it in the military and because I've always been a civilian, I'll never really understand.

Well, I think I finally got through to him last night. I tend to let people talk and talk until they get tired. Then, I like to tell them what I really think. That way they have had a chance to say what they want to say.

I basically told him that I would actually make a great soldier and that I'm not afraid to fight for what I believe in, but it's not something that I'm going to sign up for. If the powers that be put me in that position, then I'll give it all I've got. I also explained to him that I don't care how strict the army is. Just because I never joined doesn't mean that I don't know how to do things properly. More went into the conversation, but it felt good to show him that I'm an adult that has a mind of her own. I think he still looks at me like I'm ten. Oh well, it's not like I haven't accomplished things in my life.

Looking at my family has given me the chance to see what I want to become and what I don't want to become. I do want to me a good mother (should the chance ever arise), I do want to be responsible, I do want to be a good friend, and I do want people to be able to rely on me for anything. I don't want to meddle in other people's affairs, I don't want to be an alcoholic or any other kind of addict, and I don't want to forget people in my family and only call them when I need money.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:04:10 GMT

I'm feeling very depressed today. I'm homesick for a home. I'm tired of staying with people, living in my car when I'm not in school, and moving every freakin' year. It would be different if I had an apartment and could just travel. At least then I'd know that I could come home to a place that was my own.

Chris, let's run away and get a little cabin somewhere in the woods. What do you say?

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 00:48:56 GMT

So I'm feeling a little weird today. I haven't really done much. Almost all of my classes are canceled for the rest of the week due to a two day trip most of the music students are going on. It will be like an extra long weekend. This does give me a lot of time to practice. Maybe I'll go visit my family in Camdenton for a few days. That's if they have electricity and water.

I was assigned most of the music I have to learn for the semester today. For those that are curious, here is the list.

Vocal pieces:
1) Dove Sei (Italian) George Frederic Handel
2) O Thou that Tellest From the Messiah also by Handel
3) Snow Towards Evening by Elinor Remick Warren
4) I Attempt from Love's Sickness From "The Indian Queen by Henry Purcell
5) The Pitcher (a Portuguese folk song) arranged by Katherine K. Davis
6) Panis Anglicus (I don't have the composer information for this one yet)

Piano pieces:
1) Nocturne Opus 54, NO.4 by Evard Grieg
2) Sinfonia No. 15 by J.S. Bach
3) Variations on Three Blind Mice (very cool duet for two pianos and four hands) Arranged by Carmela Cecere

These are all of my performance pieces for the semester. I'm very excited! Well, now that I've been writing about them I guess I should go practice something.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 19:41:27 GMT

I realize that it's been a while since I posted on here. I have to admit that I was being lazy while I was in Nashville, but I was on vacation so I think that justifies my laziness.

While I was in Nashville, I had a great time. I loved getting to hang out with all of my friends and family. I feel like I really got a chance to catch up with what's going on in everyone's lives. When I moved to Cleveland I lost track of most of my friends from Nashville.

On my way back to school I stopped by my Uncle Micheal's house for a few days. I was only suppose to be there for three to four day's, but it turned into a week because of the ice storm. It was kinda fun yet scary at the same time. We lost power and didn't have running water for several. In fact, I'm pretty sure that they still do not have power or running water. They live out in the country on a dirt road so it will probably be a while before the utility company can come fix the power lines. Luckily the roads are clear so they can come into town and get water from my Grandma's house.

Needless to say, I didn't make it back to school on time. I was suppose to be here by Monday and I ended up getting here on Thursday. I'm so lucky that my teachers are understanding. They are giving me a few days to catch up on homework and such. Plus, they aren't counting the days that I missed as sick days. This is good because if I get sick during the semester I will still have three days to be sick without it affecting my grades.

Anyway, I'm glad to be back. Last night was the first night of pledging for Sigma Alpha Iota. I'm very excited about joining this group. These girls are great. We are already great friends and I think things can only get better from here.

having fun

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 18:26:27 GMT

I had a great time camping this past weekend with all of my medeival buddies. Now I'm in Nashville and staying with Linda for the week. She was kind enough to set up some fun little jobs for me. It's an easy way to earn some cash and be productive on my vacation. Yesterday I worked for a friend on the family. She owns a Bed and Breakfast. Unfortunately, I think I pulled something out of alignment in my back and am now in a great deal of pain. Today I'm taking it easy and doing a few things for Linda around the apartment. Hopefully by tomorrow I will feel better and be able to work for Linda's boss Fatima. She is loaded and is moving from one huge house to another huge house. I'm going to help her pack. Well, enough of sitting in this chair. I'm going to lay down on a heat pad for a while.

music

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 23:25:11 GMT

I've been to quite a few concerts at the school these past two weekends. Last Saturday I was in the choir concert. The next day we sang in church and went to the jazz band concert that afternoon. Yesterday was the piano and organ concert featuring Mrs. Spayde and Dr. Hamel. It was interesting, but I was kinda dissapointed for the most part. The bell choir that played with them was really cool.

Today the concert band performed. They were really pretty good. They played several songs that my band played in high school. I know a lot of people think that their high school band played hard peices and were the best, but mine really did play hard songs. We marched a lot of music that people usually play for concerts. It was fun and challenging. I can't wait to be in the CMU band. I think it will be fun. I'll wip those clarinets into shape by the end of next semester! What am I saying, I haven't even looked at my clarinet in at least three years! I haven't practiced on a steady basis since 1999. That's seven years!!! wow, I'm in trouble...

What if ...

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 07:28:31 GMT

This worked out suprizingly well. You have to try this!

IF A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

- - - - - - - Your Life: The Soundtrack - - - - - - - -
So, here's how it works:
Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's on.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Opening Credits:
Sospiros, pues que descansa by Alonso de Mondejar (Spanish Renaissance)

Waking Up:
Angel by Clair Marlo

Falling in Love:
Virgin Sunrise by unknown artist

Fight scene:
Emotion by ATB

Breaking Up:
Sam Haw a cover by Brigids Cross

Getting back together:
Ten Thousand Miles a cover by Amanda Reed (yes me)

Secret Love:
Mgical World by Blackmore’s Night

Life's okay:
Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McG. Covered by Amanda Reed

Mental Breakdown:
Alli in Midbar – Canario by unknown composer (more Spanish Renaissance)

Driving:
Angel’s Punishment by Lacuna Coil

Flashback:
Knives by Fuel

Happy dance:
For Mullaghmore by Bushplant

Regretting:
Again Someday by Blackmore’s Night

Spending a night alone:
Shadow of the Moon by Blackmore’s Night

Death scene:
Worst Day Since Yesterday by Flogging Molly (wow, this is so perfect!)

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 18:29:27 GMT

I finally moved from the top floor with all the freshmen down to the second floor with the juniors. I feel much better down here. It's quiet, doesn't smell wierd, and I have a better few! Yay!! If I get a camera this holiday season, I'll put some pictures up here. Fayette is really pretty and campus has beautiful buildings.

We got a lot of snow on Thursday night and classes for Friday were canceled. Instead of spending all day studying like good students, we went sledding, moved all my crap and hung out in my new room. It's so much fun having all these other music people to hang with. We got our guitars out and sang songs, drank coffee and finished off a loaf of my mom's famous pumpkin bread. Man, that stuff if gooooood!

Today I'm going actually do some homework, practice, and finish putting together my room. We also have a choir concert tonight. It should be interesting. We really haven't spent that much time with our new music. Wish us luck!!

It's been hard..

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 07:49:45 GMT

to jump back into the school routine. Thanksgiving break was too short. I wish that I had two breaks. One for all the homework that I wanted to finish and one to spend with family and friends. I had a lot of fun this past week. I went to Dawn and Kevin's house in Lebanon, TN for the weekend. We had a great time just hanging out and watching movies. Then on Monday I went to my mom's house. She is always tons of fun. I liked getting to sit on a nice soft couch and watch tv. ahh, tv.. On Thursday Mary and Nathan's flight arrived and we all ate dinner at Linda's house. Linda and I cooked dinner for everyone and had a great time preparing all that food. We made turkey, mashed, garlic potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, corn, peas, rolls, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. Mom brought the pumpkin pie and her wonderful, homemade pumpkin bread. Everything went very well and we all had a great time.

I drove back to school on Sunday. It took about twelve hours instead of the usual eight for me to get here. Traffic was absolutely horrible! Oh well, I made it safely and that's all that matters.

Now I just have to get ready for juries and finals. Maybe something cool will happen and the school will have to end this semester early. Then we wouldn't have to deal with all the headaches and freak-out moments that come with finals week. On a lighter note, I got a 96% on my research paper for Astronomy. I was totally shocked! I have never slapped together a worse paper. I really thought that I would get a C at best. Instead I got one of the highest grades in the classes. I would have gotten a 100% if I had gotten my paper proof read by a tutor, but I ran out of time. Now maybe I'll be able to pass that class. My goal is a D for Done. Wish me luck!!

slept late

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 16:40:16 GMT

Okay, the girls in my hall suck!! Most of them went out and got plastered last night. There really isn't anything new in that, but when they came back to the dorm they were extremely loud! Yesterday was a really long day for me and I was trying to get some sleep when Theresa came in with two boys who were very drunk and looking for a bowl to cook ramen noodles in. At first it was kinda funny so I gave them a bowl and sent them on their way. Then, the rest of the hallway came back with their drunk friends and started yelling down the hall at each other. I went out to the hall and asked them to be quiet and they said they were sorry and would try, but that only last about five minutes. The RA event came up and told them to be quiet. That means that they must have been heard by other people in the building.

So needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. I slept very late today and missed my first class in which a paper was due. I wrote it last night and was ready to turn it in, but now it will have to be counted at late because I wasn't able to hand it in during class hours. grrr! Enough venting...

I'm almost ready to leave for Nashville!! I just have to take a test in Educational Psychology, throw a few more things in my bags, and pack the car. I can't wait to spend some time with old friends and see Mary, Linda, and Mom again. I can't believe we are all going to be in the same state! I wish Tiffany were there so all of us girls could be together again, but we did get to see each other this summer.

Well, off to take a test I go!! Wish me luck!!

interesting day

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 21:44:41 GMT

Well, I had an interesting day. It started with a horrible performance in the student recital this morning. I told my guitar teacher that I suck, but he put me in there anyway. I was the first to go on stage. It was really bad. I messed up in the beginning of the song and just couldn't see to recover. I've never wanted to just walk off stage before. It was the first time that I felt that way on a stage. In a way I guess it was a good thing. I'm sure there is something to be learned by this. I just haven't figured it out yet. I also sang an Italian song called "Pur decesti, o bocca bella". It went much better than the guitar piece. I'm glad I was able to follow the guitar piece with some thing that made me feel confident.

After the recital, I sang in my learning to sing class. That went very well, also. My teacher didn't seem to have much to tell me as far as improvement. She just told me to start taking things to the next level. I am getting better at feeling the character inside the song. I just need to show that I'm feeling it. It's really hard to communicate what you are seeing in your head using only your eyes.

So anyway, that was my day so far. Now I'm going to do some homework, study for a test, and pack for the Thanksgiving break. I'm glad that we have next week off. Wish me a save journey back home to TN!!

Happy Turkey Day!!

sick

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 02:24:57 GMT

I spent all of today in my room being sick. Nothing really happened. I'm just really bored, but it's too cold to go outside. I'm not hungry because I ate some leftovers of the Indian chicken stuff we made last night. I was suppose to sing in church today with the school choir, but I woke up with a fever, headache, and very soar throat. I still have a soar throat and every time my tylenol wears off the fever comes back. I don't know if this is a bad cold or the beginnings of the flu. All I know is that I was really looking forward to accomplishing several things today, but I didn't get anything done.

blah, and thanks for reading my vent.

mandy

had a bad day

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 04:56:56 GMT

Just when I started to not feel so lonely here; things take a few steps back. I like to think that I don't let things get to me. I guess I was wrong. Oh well... chin up, tomorrow's another day, things could always be worse, and so on and so forth...

Could really use a hug.

Music

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 23:12:12 GMT

Today I hung out with Justin. He is a great guitar player. He needs a little work on the singing thing, but he is getting better. He and I like the same type of folk music, which is really cool because I've been wanting to find a decent guitar player for a long time. We jammed for about two hours today. We are thinking of getting together at least once a week just to play. Maybe we'll do something for one of the talent shows here on campus, or play in the cafe. I don't know.

Last night a stayed up way too late working on an essay for religion class. We had to create our own religion. I thought it would be pretty easy to just write down what I wanted spiritually. I was very wrong. I never really thought about my spiritual needs from that angle before. I basically blended Wicca, Christianity, Buddism, and Native American religions. That may sound like a strange mixture, and it is, but I think the final result was good. I can't wait to see what my professor thinks.

I got a part in one of the school opera's. We are doing the Mikado. I get to play an old woman. Yeah for me. At least I'm in it! I also get to make the costumes. All of them. I will definitely have people help me with their individual costumes. Maybe if I take all of their measurements and get them to help me cut them out... Just brainstorming.

Anyway, time for dinner!

nothing in particular

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 05:32:51 GMT

I just got back from an improvisation workshop. It was really fun. I don't know if any of you have seen "The Ringer", but Bill Chott, the guy that lead the workshop, was in that movie. He was really funny and very helpful. I didn't know this, but he went to CMU several years ago and lives close by. I'm very grateful to Theron for encouraging me to go.

Let's see what else did I do today...

I spent most of my day trying to fix my computer. It's still doing weird stuff. Nothing really critical, yet. Dad and I tried for two hours on the phone to figure it out. Oh well, maybe I just wasn't meant to see my background picture or change the colors of my desktop. They are stuck on a grey and blue scheme. I guess it could be worse. It could be stuck on bright yellow and hot pink. At least this way I'm not going blind.

When I wasn't humiliated by my pc, I practiced guitar, tried to memorize an Italian song for the recital this week, and worked on a research paper about the Hubble Space Telescope. So, I stayed inside most of the day. Tomorrow I will be all over campus with an insane amount of stuff to do.